It is difficult, if not impossible, to manage or control anger. Control is the problem, not the solution. You can control many things in the world, but when you try to control what is between your ears, you will fail miserably.
Dealing with anger issues can be very simple, yet extremely difficult, because you have learned to react the way you do. You cannot "unlearn" it because the mind is a one-way street of sorts, once "it" is in there, "it" is there for good. However, you can learn new ways of responding to angry thoughts, changing the context rather than the content. Let me briefly explain.
You could practice accepting angry thoughts, which cause angry emotions, just as they are, non-judementally, in the present moment. Those thoughts, which may be true or valid, or may not be true or valid, are most likely not productive. So, by accepting the thoughts for what they are, merely thoughts, you can let yourself experience any valid anger rather than pushing it away or you can simply observe the thoughts and not attach any judgment or importance to them. In either case, you now have control over the process (context) and how you react to the thoughts.
I said it is simple because it is. It is as simple as accepting thoughts, sensations, behaviors, memories, and emotions for what they are and without judgement. Becoming competent at doing that is the difficult part. It takes practice, mindfulness practice, every day of the week for the rest of your life. Would you trade a life complicated by anger, anxiety, depression, shame, guilt (etc, etc) for one of calmness and tranquility if I told you it would take only 5 to 30 minutes a day?
The mindfulness-based cognitive behavioral therapies (DBT, ACT, MBMT) are not just for "crazy" people, but for anybody who is tired of letting their thoughts and emotions run their lives. It is a positive psychology in the sense that we train ourselves to look at negativity as a transient state and is based on the traditions of Zen Buddhism while incorporating modern, effective cognitive behavioral techniques based on the latest scientific research.
There are 15 episodes of BODY-MIND-BEHAVIOR (BMB) BASIC TRAINING on my YouTube channel: CombatCounselor Channel can read more on our website, www.KCCBT.com and my blog, The CombatCounselor Chronicle. You can also follow me on Twitter @CombatCounselor or LIKE my Facebook page: Like CombatCounselor on Facebook . You can also search using the terms mindfulness-based cognitive behavioral therapy and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).
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Don't forget to follow @CombatCongressman on Twitter, subscribe to his blog CombatCongressman Connection, visit his website CombatCongressman.com AND VOTE FOR THOMAS C. SORRENTINO IN THE 2014 MIDTERM ELECTION - MISSOURI'S 6TH CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT!
Hi Chris: Combat Counselor! I found you through LinkIn -- very nice blog and I'm now following. This is a subject that I'm interested in, as a writer. I have become rather dubious when it comes to traditional therapy, having participated in one form or another. I have seen psychologists for a family member, and for myself as a crime victim.
ReplyDeleteThis may sound jaded, but I finally found myself calling most of them "note takers." In an effort to help a family member with a serious addiction, I found myself taking him from psychologist to psychologist - shelling out 100 bucks an hour with little benefit. It didn't work for him either, unfortunately.
My other issue is that the majority of psychologists are too fast to come up with a diagnosis. I think that it takes a long time to get to know someone, and a textbook diagnosis does not always fit. I've just seen too many friends or colleagues say that their psychologist has diagnosed them with PTSD. I think that it undermines the victims of this disorder.....
Just a few thoughts....nice blog and I will definitely look forward to reading more! I'm doing a psychological thriller in the character development stage.
Again - nice blog!
Saylor,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comments. Unfortunately you are right, there are ineffective therapies and therapists.
Honestly, diagnosis can follow you forever, so I am very careful, doing a comprehensive interview and providing valid/reliable asessments before making any determination. Even then, I am careful about how that information is shared. Because I do no have to bow to insurance companies, the only person who will ever hear about a diagnosis would be the client, and I think even then it can have very limited utility.
Diagnosis can become somewhat of a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts, so I am very careful if or when I share that information with the client. In the form of therapy I do, it really does not matter what "diagnosis" my client has (with few exceptions) because treatment is nearly identical for all problems. I could most likely help a client even if I took no history and had no idea what had been going on becasue BMBT is exeriential and focused on what you do and how you think IN THE FUTURE.
I hope that makes sense. View my YouTube Channel: The CombatCounselor Channel and check out my intro video "CombatCounselor Q&A" for a lot more background. I will be posting the first chapter to my book soon, and it too will give you an excellent overview of this exctiting new treatment modality I call Body-Mind-Behavior Therapy.
Best wishes..CC